I have seen it all over my facebook timeline “Fifty Shades promotes abuse” and I didn’t understand it. I figured that maybe they didn’t understand BDSM and the care put into it. BDSM is not abuse, it is the exact opposite of that. The book, in my opinion, did a pretty good job of showing what BDSM is. There was talks beforehand, there was ample aftercare and there was an intimate connection between both parties. None of this was seen in the movie. I watched the movie this morning; I know, I’m a little late here, but I wasn’t comfy watching it in the theaters and I am really glad that I decided to wait to be able to watch it from home. Having been in an abusive relationship in the past, and being in a BDSM relationship currently, there are HUGE differences between the two. The main part is consent. With my husband, I have full control to not have control. I know for those who haven’t participated in BDSM, that may sound a little strange, but that’s how it is, the sub has all the power, even though it doesn’t seem that way. In an abusive relationship, the controller (I won’t give them the title of Dom, they don’t deserve it) has the power and takes control away from the victim.
The issues I have with the movie are that they left out some of the main things that makes a relationship BDSM, and by leaving them out, it shows an abusive relationship. While reading the book, I stopped quite a few times to play. It was a fun and engaging read. However, with the movie, I wanted to cry and hide. I wanted to punch Christian in the face. I am writing this post within minutes after finishing the movie and my emotions are all over the board. It is hard to describe, but I get it now. I understand all those facebook posts exclaiming Fifty Shades to be abuse. If someone didn’t read the book, and only watched the movie, that’s all they see. Christian has the power, he doesn’t give Anna a choice. He love bombs her as a narcissist does and she, even though she is upset, falls for the love bombing and stays.
Now, for those of us who read the books, we know that the elevator scene at the end of the movie is not where it ends, and I think that also pushed me in the wrong direction. It was an awful ending all around. I beg those who have not read the book, to please do so, and do so quickly. Then do some research on proper BDSM relationships, because the movie is NOT what we live. I honestly feel very violated after watching it, and not in a good way. It brought up so many bad feelings of my abusive relationship. I know that this isn’t a very well put together post, but that is because I literally put no thought into it. I just started typing and let my emotions come out through my fingers. I don’t know if they intend to release more movies, but if they do, I sincerely hope they do a better job of explaining BDSM. The boks were supposed to bring BDSM into normalcy, they WERE opening minds and sales of erotic toys and including bondage devices were increasing. People were rethinking things and seeing the joy that could come of power play and I think the movie destroyed that. I know that I, for one, would have NEVER considered a BDSM relationship if all I knew of it was the movie. I am sorry, but I just can not recommend the movie to anyone. I can, however, recommend the books. Please read them, read all of them and see what this lifestyle can actually be like. Go on FetLife and read stories of power play relationships. Meet up with locals who partake, but do not watch the movie and think that is how things are.